♥My Life.My Rollercoaster♥

It'z a BIG BURDEN to carry!!!!!!!!!!

heylo there.. it's been awhile.. many many things have gone through my mind nowadays.. i am messaging this guy.. he's 2 years elder than me.. it's been quite some time since this had been goin on.. i think i am starting to fall for him like what i've fall for the other guy.. but here's the thing.. i think it's very very dangerous for me to like a guy now.. it's bcoz if i get hurt another time.. i'm not sure whether i can stand it anymore.. the first time had already left a very very very deep cut in my heart.. if it happens again.. i dunno what expect.. i wonder whether i could ever fall for any other guy ever again.. plz tell me what to do!! it really suck to have this burden with you all the time.. it gives you the fear to really fall for someone.. i'm really afraid that i might get hurt another time.. plz.. TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm really confused now.. i really hate to carry this heavy burden with me.. it hurts!!!!! A LOT!! =( i'm really afraid that he's jus giving my false hope.. no one has any idea how false hope can hurt me.. i really hate false hopes.. so, if you are attached, don give me false hope like someone else!!!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

8:33 AM

i'm very very sorry!!

hey there!! was really upset today.. i was in a meetin.. a meetin wit my chairman-we fought for about 3weeks- when he said smtg, i will juz tell him off.. he didn't attend the last meetin.. so it's kinda obvious tat he don't noe anythin.. then i juz tell him off.. after the meetin, we were havin table talk.. talkin bout the stuffs tat we done wrong and stuffs like tat.. i was quite quiet today.. so one of the helpers brought me out for a little while.. talkin bout the problems i face.. so i juz told him tat i'm sad for being blamed for everything.. then he called the chairman to talk to me.. in the whole table talk, i was crying.. well.. i was angry.. but i didn't meant to shout at him.. i juz needed to shout to release the misery in me.. i was sufferin for the past 3 weeks bcoz of this.. i don't wanna carry this burden anymore.. so yell.. the first time was normal.. the second time was louder.. and the last time was very very loud.. i felt bad about it.. don wanna have this feeling in me.. juz wish it's over.. hope tat things wil get better.. I'M REALLY SORRY DARREN YEO KHEE REI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

8:32 AM

another dream of him

i'm not sure why he is in my dreams this few day.. it's as if like i don have anyone else to dream of.. but this time, it's a little different.. here it goes.. i was with him and all his cousins (the cousins i noe) .. then i was there wit my form for sponsorship.. it was then when i started talkin to him.. i was askin for sponsors for some camp-which i'm not sure.. and then he said "u really want it from me?? can i not give u any??" and i answered "______, don so bad la.. i really need it la.. Please??" and he said in front of his cousins "if i don wanna give u $$ buti give you all my heart, will you take it??" i blushed and said "wat about your girl?? you two seem to be in love for quite some time dy.." he said " i don't even had a girl.. i was juz lying to you all the time.. trying to get your attention.. but u don't seem to be anxious.. u juz act like u don care.. which hurts me a lot".. "i am hurt everytime u said something sweet to tat someone-i dunno who.. it makes my heart bleed!!" i was crying when i said tat.. then he stood up and gave me a warm hug.. i was still crying-blaming him for lying to me, hitting his chest gently as if he is mine.. then he brought me somewhere very nice, cooling and romantic for dinner.. it was that time when i suddenly woke up.. thinking that this could not happen to me.. if it does, then it's a miracle!! i went to view his personal message ar his MSN.. it made me realise tat it was juz an ordinary dream of him!! i felt so stupid to think tat he actually broke up.. but i prefer it to be this way.. th's better than holdin a relationship.. although it hurts, it's ok with me.. i've been going through this for the past 4 months.. so.. i'll be fine!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

10:43 PM

twilight is nice..

i'm kinda like in the middle of the book "twilight" by stephenie merey.. it's damn nice!! although i am only at the 104 page, i seem to get addicted to it.. each time i read one page, i can't resist myself to go on reading.. i juz love tat book so so much!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

8:52 AM

feeling really down..!!

hello again.. i'm feelin really down for the past two days.. it ain't my fault.. juz bcoz the forms are printed by me, doesn't mean tat i'm the one who leaked it.. this is to my chairman and my chairlady.. i am not the one who leak the form.. so, stop putting the blame on me!!!!!!!!!! i don't like to be blamed for things tat i have not done.. argh!!!!!!! you two think tat u guys are alwiz right.. have you ever thought of wat i would feel.. u think tat being a secretary is very easy.. unfortunately, it's not.. in meetings, u think tat i like to boast around.. but u don't know tat i have an advisor at home..!! she will ask me to point out some agendas in the meeting.. i don wanna boast around in the meetin k?? think properly my dearest chairman.. you want my forgivness?? u think i'll accept your apology?? haha.. i don't think it'll be tat easy.. i'm not the kind of girl tat u can play with ok?? juz bcoz i'm soft, doesn't mean tat u can blame me like tat.. i'm not like u k?? u can flirt non-stop with other committees, but not me.. in case you didn't realize, when u were talkin to them, i wasn't there.. i don't even wanna be there.. and i dunno who is the big big dummy who spread rumours tat i'm your girl.. please la.. my taste ain't that bad.. the difference between u and my dreeaem guy is really really extraordinary.. haha.. too bad la.. i don like u at all.. and i don hope tat u will fall for me too.. u can continue flirting with other girls but not me.. i hate guys who flirts like you.. argh!!!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

10:33 PM

It's juz a dream

hey readers!! i dreamt a nice dream yesterday.. this is how it goes... i was at home, with my sis and her fren, ngee mei.. after awhile, we went out cycling.. we cycled to a stationary shop.. then we went to someone's hse (someone i like for about two years).. then i cycled faster bcoz i don wanna see him.. it's bcoz he had a girlfrieng already.. it ain't nice for a girl to like a guy who is already taken rite?? it juz hurt me a lot.. it leaves a deepcut in my heart.. it's like i will not fall for anyguy again.. haiy!! well.. let's continue with my dream.. when i cycled faster, i was hoping to see him at the cashier table (his family opens a diner hall).. but i didn't.. with a lil disapointment, i just cycled faster.. out of a sudden i saw him.. but i didn't have the guts to say hi!! so i juz went straight to the back.. it is then when he stopped me from going anywhere.. he asked me where am i going to.. i said: itt's none of your bussiness.. then he asked whether i'm still angry at him for hurting me.. and i said "you still remember tat u actually hurt me?" he continued"i'm really sorry for hurting you.. i didn't meant for it to happen".. then my sis, ngee mei and i went upstairs to his hse.. we sat down and chit-chat.. my sis then asked him "are you single?" and he said "yup, single since form 3" and i thought for a moment.. he said he had a girlfriend when he was in form 4.. but now he said he was single since form 3?? i don't get it.. tat night, we went for a prom.. my sis and i were already there.. then i saw a group of guys coming in.. tat is when i saw him coimng in with his blue shirt and his black shirt.. he wore the necklace tat i bought for him for his bday.!! then he held his right hand out, askin me to go to our sit.. and i accepted without any hesitation.. then we went and eat.. it was already late.. he doesn't want me to go back with my sister.. he said "it's very dangerous.. i don think it's nice for two girls to go out like tat".. so we all slept in his fren's hse.. my sis and i shared a room.. and he slept in the livin room.. the next morning, we went back by his father's car.. his father dropped me and my sis at our hse.. then i woke up.. tat's the end of my dream.. but i thought tat he might have broken up with his girl.. so i went and checked his friendster account.. unfortunately, he is still taken.. haiy.. i realized tat : IT'S JUZ A DREAM!!!!

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

9:39 PM

My friends and I

heylo.. it's me.. i'm amanda.. i've been bloggin for quite some time already.. but i kept on changin my blog's url.. so lets talk about me.. i'm a girl.. i'm still studying.. studyin in a school called SMK Infant Jesus Convent, Melaka.. i love my school.. it's there tat i met my wonderful friends.. they are cool, smoky hot and smart.. for example, debbie, she's a fantastic artist.. she draws and paints really well.. she looks nerdy but she's not!! on the other hand, ailyn, she lurvs david cook.. she's the cute one in us.. moving on, we've got marsha!! she's really creative in dancing and she sorta lurvs Britney.. i think tat is why she dances like her, hot and sexy!! next, we have sharmini in the hse.. she's the band geek.. she doesn't like love story by taylor swift coz we sorta changed the lyrics.. haha.. and then, we have may yuen.. she's the emo one among us.. we also have jac with us.. she the dong bang shin ki's fan.. after that, we also have a singer here.. she's Cherlyn.. we lurv her voice.. au yong is the band freak.. min lee also lurvs dong bang.. last but not least, me!! i'm the crazy one here.. however, some of my jokes seem to be lame.. haha.. i admit..

"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."

10:55 PM